Something amazing happened in 2009.
Do you know how in previous PVs, Aiba Masaki looked really, really pretty - and yet, he'd get the least amount of screentime? Even when the other four were looking a little busted and not really, really pretty?
And remember how I previously stated that the quota of screentime was somewhat related to dramatic tie-in, so that if a song was the theme for a MatsuJun/Nino/Sho drama, MatsuJun/Nino/Sho got the most face time? And with Maou and Uta no Oniisan this rule started to apply to Ohno as well?
But seeing as how Aiba's thing was variety shows and not dramas, he never really got the lead vocals in songs and thus never got significant time in PVs?
In 2009, Aiba Masaki said nuts to that and done got himself a drama lead.
Meaning, for the drama My Girl, Arashi got to sing a song called "My Girl." And since it was Aiba's drama, this allowed him to (sort of) take more of a lead on the single.
Aiba: I'm sorry, I have to do what now?
Ohno: Maybe this isn't such a good idea...
Nino: No, let him sing more on the single. And then, the next time he complains about never getting to do anything, all we have to say is "My Girl" and problem solved. ...and then we can throw him back to the cheetahs.
You're all heart, Nino.
A shrewd heart.
I completely agree with your strategy.
Anyway, the theme for the My Girl PV is family. That was the basic theme for the JDrama too, only that family was defined by Aiba as a single dad raising a young daughter. And despite how awesome it would have been to have the PV feature Aiba as a single dad raising the other Arashi members as daughters, the director of the My Girl video opted instead to make the whole group a band of brothers.
In fact, when we start the PV, we see Aiba taking down a family plaque which lists all of their names.
Aiba: ...I wish I could read...
Ahem. As we can see by that plaque, the five siblings in this family are...
Ohno "Making That Exasperated Ohno Squeal You Know He Makes" Satoshi as the oldest brother, Bob.
Sakurai "Is Anyone Really Surprised That Sho's Job In This PV Is As Labor UN-intensive As Dusting Pillows And He Still Fails At It?" Sho as the second son, Jeff.
Aiba "Sometimes Being Pretty Hurts" Masaki as middle child, Steve.
Ninomiya "...Why is Nino ALWAYS Carrying Couches In PVs?" Kazunari as the fourth son, Ricky.
And, of course, Matsumoto "My Mom Said I Should Be In Showbizness" Jun as the youngest, ...Fernando.
Aiba: Dad never did forgive Mom for taking that solo vacation to Florida 26 years ago...
While I never really want to listen to My Girl the song, I have to admit that I am rather fond of the PV. It's nice when the PVs have stories. A video doesn't need an elaborate, drawn-out plot, but watching the singers interact purposefully is so much more entertaining than watching them stand around as they sing "passionately." Thankfully we're spared that in My Girl.
...oh.
Well...crap. So much for that.
Answer me this, boys. Don't you ever get tired of filming sequences where you just stand around and sing at the camera?
Ohno: Now that you bring it up...
Aiba: I'm over it.
Nino: I'd give my left hamstring to never have to do it again.
Sho: Singing at the camera is nice, but I agree that we could probably explore other avenues for our promotional material.
MatsuJun: I love standing around and singing at the camera.
Big shock there.
That's...thrilling to watch, guys. Really. I can't tell you how much I enjoy watching grown boys diva finger waggle as they lip-synch notes. So thrilling that I simply can't stand to further discuss this portion of the video lest I die of excitement. Let this be a lesson to all future PVs!
Elsewhere, however, in the story part...
Sho: And...that about does it.
Sho: Learn anything from watching a pro, little brother?
MatsuJun: Uh-huh. Sure did. Well done. Except you misspelled it, Pro.
Nino: Hey, what are you two up to?
MatsuJun: Writing "boobies" all over Bob's homework.
Nino: That's not how you spell "boobies."
MatsuJun: I told him he misspelled it.
Nino: There we go. "Boobies."
MatsuJun: ...that has a "P" in it.
Nino: That's how you spell "boobies." With a "P."
MatsuJun: There's no "P" in "boobies."
Sho: ...or an "N."
Nino: Are you saying I'm wrong?
MatsuJun: No, no - I like spelling boobies with a "P."
Sho: I'll go start writing "penis" on his backpack too.
Meanwhile, elsewhere...
Aiba: Oh this book is so interesting and fun.
Aiba: . . .
Aiba: Or, it would be if I could read, I think...
And that's when...the PV takes a turn for the worse...
*shriek* AUGH! KILL IT! KILL IT DEAD!! ROSEMARY'S BABY GREW UP! THE HORROR!!
For those of you who do not know, this extremely mannish looking caricature is the fictional mother for the boys. She was generated by taking a feature from each member, forming a composite, and thus giving a very weak basis for this "family." It's a necessary evil, I suppose. If you're going to seriously ask people to believe that all five group members are siblings, it's either this or saying that momma must have been mighty friendly with the milkman behind Mr. Arashi's back. The milkman...and the mailman. And the paper boy. And that weird guy down the street. And a cotton candy vendor in Boca Raton, Florida.
And while the concept is nice...I'm sorry. No man is fucking that thing, let alone five times.
Ohno: This is probably bad timing but...you know, mom really was quite ugly...
Nino: Really? Huh, that's funny - Dad always used to say you looked the most like her.
Sho: Dad always used to say I got my forehead from her...
MatsuJun: Dad always used to say I got my forehead from a box post-marked "FL"...
Aiba: Does anyone else smell the brownies burning?
Nino: ...is it really that hard for you to focus on the discussion at hand?
Aiba: Sorry. Does anyone else smell the "Bob looks the most like mom" burning?
Ohno: As I was saying - she was quite ugly, but not unappealing. I mean, I would probably date a girl like her...
Moving along, I think there's a real message to My Girl. I think this PV wants to convey not a sense of pointless nostalgia, but more that wherever your memories and heart live, that's "home." Being me, though, none of that heartwarming sentiment sinks in.
Instead, I can't help but think about what a horrible idea it is to go back through your old stuff. That's dangerous! I mean, there are certain things from your childhood that simply do not need to be found again!
MatsuJun: Omigawd...I think...
MatsuJun: Dude. Guess what I just found?
MatsuJun: It's the collage mom made of your naked baby pictures when you were five.
Nino: You're kidding me.
Nino: Ohhh, those cheeks haven't aged a day...
Ohno: I could have sworn that I left my stash somewhere around here...
Ohno: Oh well, I bet I can smoke these instead...
Sho: Guys! GUYS!! You'll never guess what I found!
Sho: El Barco de Fallar* lives again!
Some moments need no additional commentary, you know?
I am sad to say, though, that you never see Sho actually wear the Mexican Wrestling mask. However, if you'd like to get an idea of what it might have looked like...
Here is an Arashi member wearing a similar mask. Enjoy.
Aiba: O is for Orangutan, P is for Boobies, Q is for...
Aiba: Hang on, I didn't know this was a pop-up book...
Aiba: Wait a minute, this isn't a pop-up. It's a letter...
Nino: It totally too has grown since then, jerk!
Sho: OMGYOUGUYSOMGYOUGUYSOMGYOUGUYS!
(Slow down there, Squirrelator. Flail makes for fuzzy caps!)
Ohno: I'm going to use you first, and then you, and then you-
Sho: Guys, you'll never guess what I fo- ...what is that?
Sho: ...are those naked pictures?
Nino: Oh, El Barco de Fallar! You found it. I thought I buried this in the backyard in 8th grade...
MatsuJun: Hey, you probably don't want to put those in your mouth after you light them, okay?
Aiba: Guys, I think you should look at this for a second.
Aiba: I found an old letter mom wrote. It's addressed...to us.
Sho: If this is about her favorite vase, it was so El Barco de Fallar - not me.
* One Letter Later *
Ohno: Mom was...a new half? How does that even work?
MatsuJun: Why is she telling me about some address in America...
Nino: I was adopted, huh? Knew it.
Sho: ...apparently...my hairline used to be normal as a baby but...one day she dropped hot oil on my head and the hair never grew back and...that's why my forehead is so big...
Aiba: And most importantly, she says you do not spell "boobies" with a "P."
Ohno: This...this is too much to handle at once.
Ohno: There's only one thing we can do about this news.
Sho: Call El Barco de Fallar?
No, Sho. The answer is never, "Call El Barco de Fallar." Ever.
Sho: You don't know that. One day it might be.
Ohno: This letter causes too much heartache and does too much damage to our family. Everyone, forget what you've read here and we'll never speak of this again.
Nino: Uh...Bob. Bob?
Nino: That wasn't the letter - you just ripped up your homework.
Ohno: ...well...crap.
On a completely serious note, I do adore the little visual dickery between Sho and Jun in this PV. I mean this from the very bottom of my heart, Arashi. Please do more videos like My Girl.
...except leave out the scary composite women and dull stand-around-and-sing-passionately moments. But otherwise, like My Girl.
But with a better song.
Anyway...
At the end, once the brothers realize that there are far too many memories to leave behind, they begin to put things back as they were. MatsuJun even texts their father to let him know.
MatsuJun: Yo...dad. Staying in...house. BTW - Know any...cheap flights...to...Florida?
And Aiba reattaches the plaque at the front. Their house is once again a home.
Aiba: There. Everything back to the way it was.
MatsuJun: Um, actually...
Sho: I don't know how to tell you this...
Nino: You put it on upside down, genius.
Aiba: ...maybe I should invest in some "Hooked on Phonics."
And thus ends My Girl.
As always, the PV itself can be found on a streaming site; you may even be able to find the "Making of" somewhere as well. Though I will save you twenty minutes by telling you, no, they never reveal what Q is for.
MWA!
*Please note, for those much more fluent in Spanish...which is just about everyone given that I took six years of Latin: if you laughed at the fail of the name, just keep in mind, that makes it all the more appropriate!